Intensely honest and shockingly vulnerable | October 2023
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Hello my friend,
Last Sunday I got home from the Rise Gathering women's retreat in the Poconos and it feels like a year ago already. You know when you do something and time stops and everything changes? That's what it was like.
I decided before going that I was going to show up in a big way this year. Bigger than even I could imagine. And I knew it would shock everyone, but I was going to embrace the intensity that is me, just to see what would happen.
In the past I have only managed to do this self-destructively. Like, "everything's going great? Well, watch this!" And BOOM, good thing destroyed, good job me.
But this time I decided to be intensely honest and shockingly vulnerable. The complete opposite side of the spectrum.
Here's what happened.
The workshop that scared me the most was called, “Raise Your Voice and Rock the Mic," with Karen Gross of She Rocked It. It was all about finding, sharing, and unleashing your voice, which for some reason terrifies me.
Since I'm being honest, it's not sharing my voice that is terrifying - I love sharing my voice. I think what terrifies me is the anticipation of rejection, abandonment, and/or shame following the sharing. Not the sharing itself.
You might not know this (or you might!) but in addition to being an acupuncturist and a healer, I'm also a musician and a song writer.
When I was younger I was in a band in New York City and all of my songs were about all the things I couldn't say out loud. Mostly about how angry I was, and mostly about relationships.
I stopped writing for a long time, but recently I started again, and now my songs are all about how I feel and what it's like to be alive in this body of mine.
I brought my guitar to the weekend thinking maybe I would build up the nerve to sing one of my songs at the workshop. I brought it last year too, but it stayed in its case all weekend.
One of my fellow workshop participants said, "singing is like speaking naked." You're exposed on every level.
So I was proud of myself when I asked to share my song and I felt loved and supported as everyone listened. It became about so much more than just, "is this a good song or not" or "am I good musician or not." Singing with others was like finding a calm and safe space to rest in my body.
I felt so alive and so peaceful at the same time. And that would have been more than enough, that feeling.
But it turns out, we learned that as a group we would be performing on the beach in front of EVERYONE before the dance party that night.
When I say “everyone” I mean 155 emotionally available, inspirationally talented, and infectiously loving women. There is A LOT of feeling on that beach. And that much love can be intimidating. Especially when you decide to expose the most vulnerable parts of yourself while immersed in it.
I was unamplified, electric guitar in hand, stepping up to the microphone to sing a song I wrote about what it feels like to finally stop trying to be perfect all the time. My new friends from the workshop sang the chorus with me. It was truly a magical evening and I get all tingly just thinking about it.
The joy of being together is hard to describe, other than it’s like being a kid again and getting to play with all of your best friends, for as long as you want, doing what makes you happy.
This is the power of what can happen when we come together with honest and open hearts. The acceptance and healing that is possible is astounding.
Now that I’m home I feel inspired and reinvigorated. I can’t wait to share my feelings of hope and love and peace with you.
Here’s what that looks like in this moment:
- Remember Talk Circles? Talk Circles are a chance to bring the vibe of the Rise Gathering back home. They will be held every Thursday at 10am, alternating between online via zoom one week and in person at Heart Breath Studio in Havertown the next week. Save your spot here.
- Working with people at Rise gave me a chance to go deeper and my sessions there were completely transformative. I’ve used this model to create a new service called Intuitive Healing Immersions. This exclusive package is not for everyone, but follow your intuition- if you’re curious, click the link and check it out.
- SAVE THE DATE: I have a show booked at the Kelly Music Center in Havertown at 7:30 p.m. on Saturday, 11/18, where I will be performing old songs and new songs with a full band. (In case you were feeling left out!)
I love you so much. Thank you for being on this wild ride of life with me. Thank you for doing your best, even if today your best is only 10%. (Or if it’s 100%!) I appreciate you and what you bring to this world.
And last but not least, thank you for listening.
Sending so much love until next time,
Andrea
